Three of us went on a fishing trip. I was 13, the youngest guy. My friend Carl was a year and a half older than me. Gene was about 16 or 17 and was allowed to drive us to the lake. Gene was one of those painfully nice boys that adults trust, but their peers don't. He was considered "mature" by Carl's and my parents.
When bedtime came we spread our sleeping bags inside a covered pier. Carl was in the middle, I was on Carl's right, and Gene was on his left. I had experience with mutual stiffies and "playing around" during sleepovers although I was still ignorant of masturbation and ejaculation. As we settled into our sleeping bags I assumed that this was going to be a fine opportunity to have some mutual quality time with Carl.
Gene did not figure into my expectations. I'm not sure why, but probably because he was older I supposed he would not be interested in dick play. As we settled into our sleeping bags I already had a major erection which I was anxious for Carl to appreciate. I lay on my back squeezing, rubbing and lifting my boner, waiting for the moment when Carl and I would quietly squirm together and explore each other's privates.
Imagine my shock when some peculiar activity began between the other two boys -- but didn't include me. Gene and Carl seemed focused on each other. Soon they were whispering together and opening the zippers of their sleeping bags. I heard snickers. Carl scooted closer to Gene, leaving me by myself several feet away from them. Was Carl playing dick games with the "mature" Gene? Wasn't that against the rules of boyhood, for my friend to do something like that with our so-called leader?
Gene and Carl were really squirming around. My dick was painfully hard, ready for Carl to feel and look and compliment (some younger dudes had told me I had quite a large one).
I suppose I could have gotten up, moved my sleeping bag up against Carl's, and let them know that I was available. But I was too "hurt" to do it. They were in the middle of private stuff. They completely ignored me.
It would be several months before I had the key to what they were doing. The fishing trip took place in November. I would discover masturbation the following March. I suppose Gene and Carl rightly felt that I was not yet initiated, so they excluded me.
The two of them lay facing each other, doing a lot of bumping around and loud breathing and giggling. I was dying inside, hating what was happening, hating both of them. All of a sudden one of them let out a sort of squeal. That was followed by Carl very obviously pulling up his underwear. Then he rolled away from Gene and got himself repositioned inside his sleeping bag. I thought that might be a cue that he was ready to have fun with me, but it wasn't true. Carl simply lay there, doing nothing, apparently ready for sleep. Gene was still wiggling around in a strange way until coming to a sudden stop as if a switch had been turned off.
That was the worst night of my young life. Gene and Carl had played with each other's dicks and they totally ignored me. Was I funny-looking or something? Did they think I was a baby? Did I wear the wrong clothes or talk funny or have the wrong haircut? Listen to the wrong songs? Was I a jerk or a loser or something?
I learned part of the answer once I started jacking off: They had been doing this fun thing that I'd just discovered. But why didn't they give me a chance?
The rejection and despair lasted a long time. For years when sharing masturbation with other friends I sometimes had flashbacks to Carl and Gene bumping around together while I lay by myself wiggling my lonely boner and feeling excluded and unwanted.